Ebb and Flow

Every January/February I go in to burn out. I feel flat. Uncreative. I look at other AMAZING photographers and wonder why I don't create like them. (Because I'm me. Duh - I know that seems obvious). But in that head space, it doesn't matter how many kudos I get for my work. How many people are touched by what I do. I feel incapable. I sit in a deep funk and question if I should just throw in the towel and work at Wendy's. No responsibility, no take-home work. And I question that for about an hour. And though I don't leave my funk for some time, I know that I am so fortunate to make a living doing what I do. I watch the others around me that struggle with bosses, co-workers,schedules and unreasonable expectations. And I am grateful that I answer to myself and to my clients. That I can be with CJ if I need or want to. And while there is this yearly, inevitable low, I also know that come spring I find my joy more and more consistently. And my sense of play is more and more present.


I was blessed today with a video by another photographer filming beautifully and honestly about this very issue. http://bit.ly/9pu4fG I love Zach's video - it is nice to know that I am not the only one who struggles and questions and re-emerges to do it all again. I think most artists deal with this. And perhaps most self employed people as well. But perhaps this year...I can learn from this ebb and flow and be more gentle with myself and allow myself to be in the moment a bit more. Perhaps.